“ Give something specific about you in your profile to start conversations,” says relationship therapist Charisse Cooke. ? “ It’s hard getting in touch with a stranger and saying something that will be interesting and able to give you both an opportunity to put yourselves across in a good light. A lot of dating app users say they feel like they read the same profiles over and over when searching, so put forward those details that are unique to you.”
When writing your bio or striking up a conversation with a match, be clear about what you want (or don’t want) from a partner. It’s better to get that out of the way at the beginning, so miscommunications don’t end in tears, or worse, ghosting and resentment. Honesty’s the best policy and all that!
Even if you’re not sure what you want from dating, you can literally just say that. Lots of your potential partners will be in the same boat. It could even make for a conversation starter from mutually unsure-but-open-minded matches. There’s no need for game-playing or concealing the truth in 2022.
Back when I matched with my partner on Tinder in 2017, there was only space for five photos, a short bio, an ? “ anthem” (the song you played most, basically) to market yourself to other singles. That meant you had to be a teeny bit superficial and mean when making your matches, relying on just a few details to make your decision.
But now, apps have options for everything from videos to voice notes. And with all these resources at our fingertips, a skipped prompt is the mark of a lazy person, or someone who just isn’t taking the dating game seriously. Whichever vibe you’re giving off, neither’s gonna get you love or lays.
Tess Ridgeway, psychotherapist at mental health enterprise The Mind Map says those using dating apps should adopt the attitude of ? “ meeting someone will be nice, but I don’t need it.” Try not to put too many conditions on who you meet. They don’t need to like bowling just because you do. You’re looking for someone to complement your life, not replicate you.
That said, it’s important to have some boundaries in place so that if anything makes you feel uncomfortable you can simply end the contact. ? “ Be transparent about your expectations,” Japanese dating review advises Ridgeway. ? “ Keep it light hearted and open minded. Be honest – and respectful. Everyone deserves respect, whether they’re your type or not.”
By no means should you ever settle or allow someone to cross your boundaries, but keep in mind that your ? “ type on paper” may not end up being your person. Last time I was in the dating pool, I was looking for a woman to have a casual situationship with, but I Tinder-matched a man who I quickly moved in with and got engaged to. Match mix-ups like this happen all the time. After all, you’re not an expert on it all, are you? You wouldn’t be reading this article if you were.
If you’re looking for a monogamous relationship, the whole point of having a dating app is to eventually delete it. So if you’re liking one of your matches enough to want to get coffee, make an effort to have conversations that naturally move the two of you off the app and into real life. As Cooke says, ? “ Flirt with intention. Ask questions. Move away from boring daily updates to funny stories and playful banter that can spark connection. This is far more likely to translate into an in-person date sooner with a little bit of established chemistry.”